I went out to the shops earlier, just to see what I could buy
The shelves were just a desert, I began to wonder why.
The breadman must’ve been ill, he really, really must
No muffins, toasters, there were nowt except some bags of crusts.
I got round to the tea aisle and, just to assuage my greed
I bought two extra boxes that we didn’t really need.
Condiments were easy, salt, olive oil and mustard
But when I went to look for some, I couldn’t find the custard
The bakery was shameful, that really opened my eyes,
‘Cos judging by the gaps, there’d been a run on apple pies.
I could have bought a hammer drill, a welding mask, or griddle
Or other real essential stuff there, in the Middle of Lidl.
They’d sold out of sanitizer, and antiseptic soap
They’d even empty spaces where they’d had soap-on-a-rope.
Now, toilet rolls’ an issue, for nowt will come of it,
You don’t need fifty packs of four if you’re just satisfying your needs.
Shelves were empty, trolleys full, full tills taking the strain
Of two years worth of Morrisons stuff – looked like a wagon train.
The small trolleys lie lonely in their windswept trolley bay
For ev’ryone’s using big uns, to whisk their buys away.
And not just single trolleys, these shoppers hunt in packs
They’re even running out of logs that’re sold in hessian sacks.
So, we worry about Corona, it’s certainly made me think
Back to the days of my childhood when it was just a fizzy drink.
The media’s ecstatic, as they daily grind out fear
I wonder what we’ll remember at this same time next year.
When colds and flu arrive, as they do each winter time
Will it give me a chance to write another cracking rhyme?
Us oldies are advised to keep ourselves indoors,
Or will they simply round us up and dump us on the moors?
So, next time I go shopping, to make sure that I feel fine
I’ll simply fill my trolley up with whisky, beer and wine.
And although it may not help me, as I slump, drunk, in my chair
I’ll simply raise another glass ‘cos I won’t really care
I’ll let the media panic in papers, on Tv
And raise two Lancashire fingers, shouting “stop annoying me!”
Right,
just nipping to the Co-op for…..
Well,
Anything really
This piece was written during The Great Covid Lockdown, 2020
